Are you ready for some dad jokes? Because we’ve got 57 of them that are actually very funny.
- What’s the most popular drink at the nudist colony? The skinny dipper!
- I’m not indecisive, I just don’t know which side to butter my bread on first!
- Why did the elephant wear pink tights? Because they were too big for his legs!
- Why did the man cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken!
- Why is it bad luck for a bride to see the groom before their wedding day? Because she’ll see how ugly he looks when he cries!
- What’s the difference between Batman and Superman? Batman can go to the bathroom whenever he wants to.
- What did the pirate say when he saw three ships? Aye matey! There be gold in them thar boats!
- Why was the chicken cross eyed? Because it had an identity crisis! (crossed) eyes!
- What’s the difference between a blonde and an onion? No one cries when you chop up an onion!
- Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-through ATM? So that blind people can drive cars, too!
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
- What do you call a guy who doesn’t know how to drive? The passenger.
- What do you call a mouse with no legs or tail? A head-ache!
- What’s the difference between a dog and a computer? A dog doesn’t think about what he does all day long!
- Why did the cow cross the road? Because it was hamburger time!
- How can you tell if your Dad is rich? He has a boat, with no water in it, in his living room!
- Where do cows go on vacation? To Moo York City!
- Why does Santa wear red? He doesn”t want to be mistaken for a reindeer when he steps in dog poop!
- What do you call an overweight pigeon? A fat bird.
- Why did the clown go to jail? Because he made people laugh while driving drunk!
- How do you know it’s spring? Your nose hurts when you take your shoes off!
- What do you call an alien with no legs? An airman!
- Why is it that men can’t remember directions? Because they always keep their minds on their destination, not on how to get there!
- I just had a horrible nightmare last night: my wife was pregnant with triplets and all of them were girls!
- What is the difference between a woman and an ironing board? The ironing board stays smooth after you open it up!
- What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed!
- Why did the cheetah run faster than the antelope? He had to get to the bathroom before he got caught!
- Why are horseback riding jokes so funny? Because they’re all about horses!
- What’s the difference between a porcupine and a hedgehog? The hedgehog has pricks on the outside!
- Why is it better to be rich than smart? Because you don’t have to say “darn” all the time!
- What do you call a dinosaur with no friends? Lonelord RE: Dinosaurs without friends, maybe?
- How does an astronaut get his suit dirty? He goes swimming in his space suit!
- Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn’t find a date
- What does it mean when your dog wags its tail? It’s happy to see you
- Why do doughnuts leave rings on the bathtub? Because they can’t hold water
- What do you call a group of cows standing in a field? An udder disaster!
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
- What did the ocean say when he saw his reflection in the mirror? Hello, gorgeous!
- What do you call an accountant who is also a vampire? An accountantunt.
- What do you call an accountant in love with another accountant? A double entry romance.
- What do you call an accountant with a broken heart? An underachiever.
- What do you call an accountant who doesn’t have any friends? A lonely number cruncher!
- Daddy, does your job come with benefits? Yes, it does… I get to watch my kids grow up!
- What did the big book say to the little book? “You’re too young to understand this.”
- What do you call an irate customer at a bakery? A dumpling face!
- If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound if no one is around to hear it fall? Yes, because it still hits the ground with a thud!
- Did you hear about the restaurant that got sued for serving food too loud? The menu had no volume control option!
- Why did the man cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken!
- Did you hear about the new restaurant called “Hot Dog Hut”? It’s so good you’ll want to kiss the chef!
- Why did Johnny Appleseed plant apple trees? So people would have something to fall back on when they fell out of their chairs!
- What’s the difference between a porcupine and a hedgehog? A hedgehog has pricks on his head, but a porcupine doesn’t have quills on his feet!
- Why did the dog chase its tail all night long? Because it was too tired to walk around in circles all night long!
- How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change itself!
- What does a baby elephant say when it’s born? “Ouch! That hurt!”
- What do you call an invisible elephant in the room? An unsee-able elephant!
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head by an invisible elephant while standing under an unseeable tree? He got squashed by an unsquashable elephant!
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