57 Dads Jokes That Are Actually Very Funny

Are you ready for some dad jokes? Because we’ve got 57 of them that are actually very funny.

1. What’s the most popular drink at the nudist colony? The skinny dipper!
2. I’m not indecisive, I just don’t know which side to butter my bread on first!
3. Why did the elephant wear pink tights? Because they were too big for his legs!
4. Why did the man cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken!
5. Why is it bad luck for a bride to see the groom before their wedding day? Because she’ll see how ugly he looks when he cries!
6. What’s the difference between Batman and Superman? Batman can go to the bathroom whenever he wants to.
7. What did the pirate say when he saw three ships? Aye matey! There be gold in them thar boats!
8. Why was the chicken cross eyed? Because it had an identity crisis! (crossed) eyes!
9. What’s the difference between a blonde and an onion? No one cries when you chop up an onion!
10. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-through ATM? So that blind people can drive cars, too!
11. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
12. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
13. What do you call a guy who doesn’t know how to drive? The passenger.
14. What do you call a mouse with no legs or tail? A head-ache!
15. What’s the difference between a dog and a computer? A dog doesn’t think about what he does all day long!
16. Why did the cow cross the road? Because it was hamburger time!
17. How can you tell if your Dad is rich? He has a boat, with no water in it, in his living room!
18. Where do cows go on vacation? To Moo York City!
19. Why does Santa wear red? He doesn”t want to be mistaken for a reindeer when he steps in dog poop!
20. What do you call an overweight pigeon? A fat bird.
21. Why did the clown go to jail? Because he made people laugh while driving drunk!
22. How do you know it’s spring? Your nose hurts when you take your shoes off!
23. What do you call an alien with no legs? An airman!
24. Why is it that men can’t remember directions? Because they always keep their minds on their destination, not on how to get there!
25. I just had a horrible nightmare last night: my wife was pregnant with triplets and all of them were girls!
26. What is the difference between a woman and an ironing board? The ironing board stays smooth after you open it up!
27. What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed!
28. Why did the cheetah run faster than the antelope? He had to get to the bathroom before he got caught!
29. Why are horseback riding jokes so funny? Because they’re all about horses!
30. What’s the difference between a porcupine and a hedgehog? The hedgehog has pricks on the outside!
31. Why is it better to be rich than smart? Because you don’t have to say “darn” all the time!
32. What do you call a dinosaur with no friends? Lonelord RE: Dinosaurs without friends, maybe?
33. How does an astronaut get his suit dirty? He goes swimming in his space suit!
34. Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn’t find a date
35. What does it mean when your dog wags its tail? It’s happy to see you
36. Why do doughnuts leave rings on the bathtub? Because they can’t hold water
37. What do you call a group of cows standing in a field? An udder disaster!
38. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
39. What did the ocean say when he saw his reflection in the mirror? Hello, gorgeous!
40. What do you call an accountant who is also a vampire? An accountantunt.
41. What do you call an accountant in love with another accountant? A double entry romance.
42. What do you call an accountant with a broken heart? An underachiever.
43. What do you call an accountant who doesn’t have any friends? A lonely number cruncher!
44. Daddy, does your job come with benefits? Yes, it does… I get to watch my kids grow up!
45. What did the big book say to the little book? “You’re too young to understand this.”
46. What do you call an irate customer at a bakery? A dumpling face!
47. If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound if no one is around to hear it fall? Yes, because it still hits the ground with a thud!
48. Did you hear about the restaurant that got sued for serving food too loud? The menu had no volume control option!
49. Why did the man cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken!
50. Did you hear about the new restaurant called “Hot Dog Hut”? It’s so good you’ll want to kiss the chef!
51. Why did Johnny Appleseed plant apple trees? So people would have something to fall back on when they fell out of their chairs!
52. What’s the difference between a porcupine and a hedgehog? A hedgehog has pricks on his head, but a porcupine doesn’t have quills on his feet!
53. Why did the dog chase its tail all night long? Because it was too tired to walk around in circles all night long!
54. How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change itself!
55. What does a baby elephant say when it’s born? “Ouch! That hurt!”
56. What do you call an invisible elephant in the room? An unsee-able elephant!
57. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head by an invisible elephant while standing under an unseeable tree? He got squashed by an unsquashable elephant!