Are you looking for a laugh? Check out these 31 hilariously funny limericks only a few people will understand!
- I know a man who’s quite amazing
His feet they are size twelve and three quarters
But when he stands on his head
His shoes look just like bread
And everyone says isn’t he clever!
- There was an old lady from Sussex
Who took too much tea and got dizzyness
She fell in the fire
And burnt her whole attire
Now she wears nothing but bikinis!
- A poet called Simon
Whose verses were all about Simon
When asked to write more
He said, “I’m sorry, I’m poor”
But we all thought it was hilarious!
- There was an old man of Peru
Whose limit was half past two
He sat down to tea
And said, “By Jove, I’m beat!”
But nobody paid any attention to him.
- A clever young man from Dundee
Said “I don’t need any keys
I can pick any lock
With just a piece of string
Or even better- with my nose!”
- I’m not very good at riddles
But I know one that’s sure to make you giggle:
What has four legs and an arm?
A chair!
- There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket
His wife said, “Darling, spend
Some of that money, or we’ll end
Up as poor as a pair of old socks!”
- There once was an opera singer
Who couldn’t hit the high notes any longer
Her husband said, “Don’t worry, dear
Just give it some time and you’ll be back to your career”
But she never recovered and ended up teaching junior high school.
- There once was a woman who loved to bake pies
She spent all day in the kitchen with her eyes on the skies
The pies were delicious, but each one took forever to make
So she decided to open up a pie shop…
And it quickly became very successful!
- There once was a man who loved to fish
But he never could quite catch his wish
One day he caught a big fish
And he was so ecstatic
He forgot all about fishing and went home to make a dish!
- There once was a fellow named Matt
Who couldn’t quite figure out math.
He asked his friend Pete,
“Is this stuff really that tough,
Or am I just being a dunce?”
- A poet I know writes in free verse,
But all of his poems are worse.
I suggested he try a limerick or two–
Now his work is much more comical for you!
- A priest, a rabbi and a minister
Walk into a bar, what a tinder!
The bartender says, “What is this? A joke?”
They say, “No, we’re just here for the free beer!”
- There was a young fellow named Bates
Who took too many pills by mistake.
Fate, however, was kind,
And he didn’t lose his mind–
He just shrank about an inch in height.
- A clever young man from Japan
Went out on a date with a girl named Ann.
Though she was quite pretty,
He found her much sweeter
When she came with her sister and twin.
- I know a girl who’s addicted to clothes shopping
She spends all her money and never stops
Her boyfriend says ” babe, I think its time we talk”
But she says “no way, I’m not going to stop”
- I know a girl who’s quite unique
She loves to stand on her head and speak
When she’s upside down,
The words come out wrong
But we still think she’s pretty darn neat!
- There once was a man from Peru
Who had nothing much to do
So he sat on his couch
all day long
Just eating brownies and watching TV.
- A fellow hopped into a cab,
And off they did speed with great fervor.
But soon the driver realized
That the fare was too much for him,
So he kicked out the chap with great ardor.
- There once was an old lady from Lyme
Who swallowed a fly to save time
When asked why she did it
She replied with a shrug
“I dunno… I guess I just wasn’t thinking at the time!”
- An airplane is about to crash
There are five passengers aboard
And only four parachutes
Who gets the last parachute?
The clever person, of course!
- An amoeba named Max
Once swallowed a tax
The IRS said “You owe us!”
Max replied, “But I’m just one cell!”
- I know a dog named Poe
Who’s always eating his toe
When asked why he does it
He says, “It tastes good!”
- There was an old man from Peru
Who fell in the soup at his zoo
When the animals saw it
They all started to doo-doo!
- A man went to a bar
And asked for a jar
When the bartender said “No”
The man replied, “I am not a star”
- I know a man named Art
Who has a large wart
On the end of his nose
It looks like a rose!
- A woman went to buy some cheese
But all that she found was moldy and green
She took it home anyway
And fed it to her cat, who said “Meow!”
- A woman went to a pet store
To buy herself a parakeet
But when she got home
She found a monkey inside it!
- There was a young fellow from Belfast
Who liked to drink whisky and eat grass.
But when he was found,
His stomach was round,
And the whisky had come out his… you know!
- I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
Here is my handle, here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout:
“Tip me over and pour me out!”
- A man in a hurry went to confession.
Said the priest, “What is your transgression?”
The man said, “I cut corners.”
The priest said, “No wonder!…
You should be ashamed of such transgressions!”
0 Comments