Estimated studying time — 18 minutes
April fifth, 1990
So, I requested my daddy to purchase me this journal. He’s at all times been an incredible father, although he isn’t the identical after my mother died.
He was at all times massive on instructing me tips on how to write, and stuff. He mentioned phrases are crucial factor ever! He writes books for a dwelling, so I suppose he kinda desires me to do it too.
He acted fairly blissful after I informed him I wished to write down stuff down, so he purchased me this actually cool diary with, like, a leather-based cowl.
I used to be 5 when mother had the center assault that took her away from me and pa, however I nonetheless bear in mind her fairly good.
I’m 9 now, however I nonetheless miss her. I begin to overlook her face generally, however now we have loads of photograph albums and stuff that I have a look at rather a lot.
My daddy will get actually unhappy generally, and I even hear him crying at night time. He’s tried up to now a little bit, however he at all times says that no one can evaluate to mommy. It will be bizarre if he met somebody, although.
I imply, would I’ve to name her mother, although she’d simply be some woman? I nonetheless need dad to be blissful, even when it could be awkward for me.
I didn’t really need this diary to write down concerning the unhappy stuff, however I’ve heard it’s good to place that kinda factor down to assist of us take care of them. Nonetheless, that’s not why I requested my daddy for it.
The factor is, some bizarre stuff occurs at night time generally. I imply, I suppose it’s not bizarre stuff, as a lot as only a bizarre factor.
It solely occurs each couple of weeks, and generally solely as soon as a month, so I suppose it’s not likely an enormous deal. It’s been occurring since earlier than my mother died, however it freaked me out at first.
I suppose I used to be only a dumb child the primary time I noticed it, however I’m older now and I do know it’s not regular. I began to ask my dad about it, however it sounded nuts after I mentioned it out loud, so I informed him I used to be simply enjoying.
It’s, like, a bridge that leads away from my bed room window. It kinda jogs my memory of these picket ones that you just see within the woods, however it’s loopy lengthy.
The primary time I actually checked out it, I used to be a bit scared, as a result of it wasn’t there earlier than, after which it was!
It appears to be like like I may simply open my window and stroll throughout it, however what if it vanishes whereas I’m on it? I don’t wanna splat onto the bottom, or something, however I actually wanna see the place it goes!
It simply appeared the opposite day, so I suppose it received’t come again for a bit. I’ll write extra when it does.
Might 2nd, 1990
The bridge got here again final night time. I wasn’t feeling good, so I didn’t even go have a look at it. I may see it out the window, although. It made sounds this time, too.
I’ve espilepy or one thing, however I can’t actually say it proper. It makes my physique do bizarre issues generally, and I kinda black out after.
My daddy says I’ve another issues too, however I don’t actually know. I’ve to take a bunch of drugs day by day, and a few of them make me really feel a bit dizzy, however daddy says I gotta take them.
None of that stuff was what was incorrect with me final night time, although. I believe I received a chilly or one thing.
For some cause, my daddy will get actually nervous about me when I’ve a bug of any type. He says I’ve a damaged imoon system or one thing like that.
I hate when he makes use of massive phrases. I believe he makes them up generally. I don’t really feel good in any respect, although. Possibly I’ll really feel higher subsequent time the bridge comes.
September 14th, 1990
I really feel higher now. I’ve one other new capsule I gotta take, however the Dr mentioned it’ll assist me struggle off inflections.
I haven’t seen the bridge in a very long time! I don’t know if it received bored, ready for me to get out of the hospital.
I suppose I wouldn’t wait round for somebody if it seemed like they’d moved away. It’s okay although.
My daddy began speaking to one of many nurses from the hospital. They laughed an entire lot and she or he stored touching his arm.
He talks to her on the cellphone rather a lot, and so they’ve been going out to dinner generally too. She’s a pleasant woman, although.
It’s kinda bizarre to see them holding arms, however daddy appears to be like actually blissful. It is perhaps bizarre in the event that they get married, however I don’t thoughts.
Okay. I’m going to go play now. I can’t write on you all day, diary. Ha ha.
October twenty ninth, 1990
Halloween is sort of right here! I’m so excited. Daddy says I can’t trick or deal with for too lengthy, trigger it’s kinda chilly exterior, and he don’t need me to get sick once more.
I wager I can speak him into letting me keep out longer, although. Nurse Mandy is gonna be there too, and I do know she’s a sucker for my pet canine eyes.
She actually is a pleasant woman, and she or he’s been on the home rather a lot currently. I assumed I heard her arguing with daddy the opposite night time, however he informed me they have been watching a scary film, and it made her scream an entire lot.
I requested him if I may watch the film too, however he mentioned it was just for grown-ups. I received to observe some kinda scary films, however they have been solely child scary.
Nickelodeon has been enjoying some foolish spooky cartoons, however they’re actually enjoyable. They performed the Garfield Halloween one, and I like that one rather a lot.
It’s even received ghost pirates! They kinda scare me although. I suppose they’re alleged to be scary, so I don’t thoughts. I don’t actually just like the singing elements, however it’s nonetheless my favourite. I do just like the Charlie Brown one too, however it hasn’t come on but.
So, the bridge got here again final night time once more. I actually wished to open the window and climb out onto it this time, however it nonetheless makes me nervous.
I attempted to remain up all night time to see how lengthy it stayed there, however I ended up falling asleep after some time.
It was there for a extremely very long time, although. I don’t know after I conked out, as nurse Mandy says, however I do know the bridge was there for hours earlier than I did.
I actually wanna go on the market quickly, however I don’t wanna miss Thanksgiving or Christmas if it goes away earlier than I can come again.
It will actually suck if I received to the opposite finish, and it vanished. I’ll ensure that to put on my watch after I do go on it, although.
If it takes, like, hours to get throughout it, possibly I’ll simply flip proper again. I do know my daddy would fear if I used to be gone too lengthy.
Nurse Mandy is gonna order pizza quickly, so I’m gonna take my bathe earlier than it will get right here. I positive am hungry.
December twenty third, 1990
It’s nearly time for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!
I do know that was waaaay too many clarification factors, however I’m loopy excited! I’ve been tremendous good this yr, although I punched Ben, the child subsequent door, within the mouth final week.
He was making enjoyable of me trigger I’m homeschooled, and he referred to as me handy-capped. I don’t know what which means, however dad mentioned it was a shitty factor to name me.
I’m not alleged to say phrases like that, however I don’t assume it counts if I write it. Though I didn’t get it, it nonetheless made me mad, and I socked him within the face!
He’s, like, a few years older than me, however he cried like a child! I do know it was imply, and I shouldn’t have completed it, however my daddy simply laughed about it.
He informed me Santa would forgive me as a result of I used to be sticking up for myself. I hope he’s proper. I’ve been working actually exhausting to be further tremendous good this yr.
I actually actually need a tremendous Nintendo! I suppose they make them on the north pole, however I hope I’ve been ok to get one.
Daddy mentioned he has an excellent feeling about it, however he mentioned he can’t make guarantees or something, trigger Santa may be unpurdicable, or one thing.
Anyway, the bridge got here again, like, 3 times since I wrote in right here final time! I didn’t go on it, although.
I actually wished to, that final time. I even opened up my window to get a greater look, however I used to be too scared to get on it.
I hit the wooden with my arms, and it truly is actual! I imply, it feels prefer it’s there anyway.
Subsequent time it comes again, I would get on it if I’m not too hen. It kinda sounds prefer it talks a bit.
I imply, I suppose it’s not likely speaking phrases, however I believe it desires me to stroll on it. I’m gonna do it for positive, however not till after Christmas.
It’s solely 2 days left!!!! I’m loopy excited!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was much more clarification factors than final time!!! Hahahahaha!!!!
February twentieth, 1991
My daddy is getting married to nurse Mandy. It’s nonetheless kinda bizarre, however he’s actually blissful.
He lets me name her Mandy, although. It will be loopy bizarre to name her mommy. I imply, she’s a brilliant good woman, and she or he buys me a lotta cool stuff, however it simply don’t really feel proper to name her mother.
I received my tremendous Nintendo!!! It’s so cool, and Mandy and daddy play on it with me. I nonetheless have enjoyable when it’s simply me enjoying, however it’s cool once they take part.
I truly went on the bridge final night time! I used to be gonna go final month when it confirmed up, however it was solely a few days after Christmas, and I received a lotta actually cool stuff.
I received Remaining Struggle, Tremendous Mario World, and F Zero with my Nintendo. I received some ninja turtles, some Transformers, and a few Star Wars toys too.
I received some board video games additionally, however they’re not as enjoyable to play as my superior tremendous Nintendo.
Anyway, so the bridge was fairly lengthy. I felt like I used to be strolling ceaselessly! I nearly turned again a few instances, however I used to be courageous and stored going.
What was actually scary was it seemed like I used to be in outer area after I was on it. Like, I didn’t even see my avenue beneath me.
Throughout me have been stars and purple and blue clouds and stuff. It was actually cool wanting, however I’m glad the bridge had railings, trigger I woulda fell off for positive!
It was actually exhausting to maintain my eyes on the street like daddy says after we’re within the automotive. There was simply a lot cool stuff throughout me, I stored wanting up and down, and throughout.
So, after I received to the top, after strolling for, like, an entire hour, there was only a spherical patch of grass with a man sitting at a desk.
There was nonetheless area throughout us, however there was additionally a bizarre wanting lake beside the spherical subject factor.
It had one other man sitting on a ship, however I couldn’t see what he seemed like, trigger he was sporting a hood, and didn’t actually have a look at me.
He kinda scared me a little bit, however the different man on the desk was a very nice outdated man. He had an extended beard, and even tremendous lengthy hair that was tied up behind his head.
He kinda seemed like he could possibly be Santa’s brother or one thing, however he didn’t put on a crimson swimsuit or nothing. He wore a bizarre robe or one thing, that seemed a bit like my dad’s bathrobe.
I kinda puzzled if he had simply received out of the bathe earlier than I confirmed up. Possibly he was swimming within the shiny lake that the boat was on.
He was a bit bizarre, I suppose, however he was very nice and requested me to play a recreation with him. I requested him what kinda recreation, trigger my daddy warned me about strangers who wished to play tousled video games with children like me, however it was simply board video games.
I requested him what he had, and he mentioned no matter I wished! It was loopy, trigger I didn’t see any containers or nothing. I requested him if he had Hungry Hippos, or Sorry, trigger I’m actually good at these.
He reached beneath the desk and pulled them each out! It was depraved cool, trigger I didn’t even see them there earlier than.
So, he mentioned he solely had time to play one, however he informed me that I’d need to go along with him if I misplaced. That kinda scared me, trigger I didn’t wanna depart my daddy and tremendous Nintendo, however I had an excellent feeling I may beat him.
He sounded sensible and stuff, however I’m superior at hungry hippos.
I completely kicked his butt!!! He didn’t also have a likelihood!! He truly seemed blissful that I received, and he smiled actually massive.
His tooth have been tremendous white for being such an outdated man. They have been most likely falsers or one thing, however they seemed actual.
So, he mentioned goodbye and informed me I ought to get going too. I ran again throughout the bridge, however coming again to my home went manner quicker than going away from it.
Anyway, it was fairly neat, however I used to be blissful to get again to my room. My physique feels drained rather a lot, however it didn’t really feel like that after I was on the bridge, or after I was hanging out with the outdated man.
As quickly as I received again via my window, I received loopy sleepy although. I simply flopped into my mattress and fell proper to sleep.
It was a fairly cool time, however I dunno if I’ll return subsequent time.
September sixth, 1991
That is actually bizarre. I went again on the bridge when it got here again a month after that final time. I wasn’t gonna go, ’trigger my physique had been feeling actually unhealthy, however I remembered that I felt actually good after I went on the market.
I performed Monopoly with the outdated man this time, trigger I’m actually good at that too, and the sport went on for a extremely very long time. Like tremendous loopy lengthy!
I nonetheless kicked his butt, however after I received again to my bed room, it wasn’t my bed room! The bridge hadn’t modified instructions or something, however it took me to a hospital!
I used to be actually drained after I received via the window, and I simply fell into the mattress that was there, however after I wakened, it was, like, six months later!!
My daddy and nurse Mandy got here working in after I wakened, and so they mentioned I had been in a comma or one thing.
That’s bizarre, trigger my dad taught me all about commas when he was instructing me tips on how to write, however he by no means informed me I may catch one!
He mentioned it was a unique kinda comma, however I nonetheless don’t get it. He informed me I had a extremely unhealthy espelepic seshur or one thing, and that’s what made me have a comma.
I informed him concerning the bridge, and he mentioned I don’t have to go on it anymore, although he don’t consider me.
He mentioned it was most likely a product of my creativeness, or a bizarre dream I had, however I shouldn’t go on the market anyway.
I informed him the way it made my physique really feel higher, however he nonetheless mentioned no. It kinda sucks, trigger I actually just like the outdated man who performs the video games with me, and I don’t need him to assume I’m mad at him or something.
I suppose I received’t go once more, although. I don’t wanna make my daddy cry once more. He hasn’t completed that since he married nurse Mandy, however he was crying like a child after I wakened!
I informed him I used to be sorry, and he mentioned it wasn’t my fault, however I nonetheless felt kinda unhealthy.
I received this diary to write down concerning the bizarre stuff, so I dunno if I’ll write anymore. I do kinda prefer it, however a lot of the stuff I do is simply too boring to write down about, I suppose.
I simply received again residence immediately, however I wished to write down these items down earlier than I forgot. Daddy and Mandy are wanting me to play tremendous Nintendo with them, so I’m gonna go try this.
June seventeenth, 1992
I had nearly forgotten about my outdated diary till I discovered it beneath the mattress. We’re shifting to a brand new neighborhood, however my dad’s not letting me assist a lot with boxing stuff up.
I nonetheless grabbed a few containers to pack up a few of my issues, although. He’s been fairly busy with the transfer, so I don’t need any of my stuff to get misplaced or tousled.
I turned 11 final week, and my spelling is rather a lot higher now. I learn via what I’d written earlier than, and I didn’t even understand how unhealthy it was haha.
I nonetheless have hassle with a few of the larger phrases, however I’m getting higher. My physique feels rather a lot worse today, although.
I suppose that’s why dad doesn’t need me serving to a lot with the transfer. My epilepsy has been a little bit higher currently, however my immune system is having extra hassle now.
I needed to get a bunch of assessments after my 6-month coma, and the Drs found I’ve lookemia or one thing.
I’ve to get these terrible remedies, and so they make my physique really feel even worse! My dad says the city we’re shifting to is near a college that may assist me greater than the Drs right here.
I hate all of the assessments and coverings, however Mandy says that they’re solely to assist me really feel higher, however they simply make me really feel like crap!
I really feel kinda unhealthy that we’re having to maneuver to a brand new city only for me. Dad mentioned he does his make money working from home anyway, however Mandy is gonna need to work at an entire new hospital.
She says she doesn’t thoughts, however I nonetheless really feel unhealthy. I suppose it’ll all work out although. Not less than I’m homeschooled, so I don’t gotta fear about being awkward round different children.
The bridge has nonetheless been exhibiting up each month or so. I did what dad requested, and by no means received again on it. I actually wished to after I’ve been feeling tough, although.
I suppose I received’t have to fret about it after we transfer. It took me to the hospital, however I don’t assume it’ll know the place to observe me to the brand new home.
I’m wondering if the outdated man is mad at me for not coming to see him anymore. I suppose it doesn’t actually matter.
I’m going to complete boxing these items up now. I could write once more after we get to the brand new home.
November eighth, 1992
So, we’ve been on the new home for a few months now. It’s fairly good, however my bed room is on the primary flooring now.
My dad mentioned I’m too weak to need to go up and down stairs now. I suppose he’s proper. I really feel actually unhealthy currently. I couldn’t even go trick or treating this yr, which actually sucked.
Though my room is true subsequent to an enormous tree, the bridge nonetheless discovered me once more. It’s actually bizarre the way it simply cuts the tree brief, however it’s a full tree once more by morning.
I actually wished to climb on the market final night time. The whole lot hurts now. The brand new Drs have been attempting a bunch of latest stuff, and I nonetheless need to get the terrible remedies too.
I was terrified of needles, and so they’d at all times make me cry, however they don’t hassle me anymore. Mandy says I’m a pin cushion now. It’s kinda humorous, and the way in which she mentioned it makes me snicker, however I simply wanna be a standard child.
I see the neighborhood children enjoying out of their yards, however I don’t even get to depart the home anymore except it’s to go to the Dr.
I simply want I could possibly be like the opposite children, generally. I’ve loads of toys and stuff that different children don’t received, however I wanna have the ability to run round too.
I suppose I shouldn’t whine about it. Issues may at all times be worse, my dad says after I’m feeling down. I wager I may run on the bridge, although. I believe I’m gonna take a nap.
March eighth, 1993
I went on the bridge once more final night time. I do know I’m not alleged to, however I simply wished to not damage for a short time.
It was good to see the outdated man once more, and he appeared actually blissful to see me too. He kinda seemed a little bit unhappy, however he wasn’t mad at me for staying away.
What was tremendous wonderful this time, was my mother was there! Effectively, she wasn’t, like, there there, however the outdated man made it so I may speak to her via the desk we normally play the video games on.
I suppose that sounds kinda bizarre, however that’s what occurred. The desk’s spherical, and it’s normally only a stable piece of wooden, however he made it do some cool stuff.
He, like, dipped his finger into the highest of it, and it turned to a kinda wooden wanting liquid when he did. He swirled it round, and it became tremendous clear and glossy water.
After a couple of minutes, my mother’s face appeared in it! She may see me too! I knew it was her straight away, although I don’t have a look at the images a lot anymore.
She began crying when she noticed me, and I did too. I do know I’m older now, and I shouldn’t cry anymore, however I did! I may hear her voice, however it sounded prefer it was actually far-off.
The outdated man mentioned we may solely speak for a few minutes, however it was wonderful! I had forgotten how a lot I missed her.
After I needed to say goodbye, the outdated man mentioned we didn’t have time for a full recreation, however we nonetheless kinda needed to play one thing.
He mentioned it’s a part of the foundations, no matter that meant. He simply pulled out a deck of playing cards and sat it on the desk that had turned again to wooden.
He informed me excessive card wins, so I simply grabbed the one on high. He break up the deck in 2 and grabbed the following one down.
He solely had a 3 of diamonds, and I had a 6 of spades. He laughed and informed me I received him once more, and I laughed too.
I hugged him earlier than I left, trigger I nonetheless felt unhealthy for staying away. He informed me that people don’t usually try this right here, however he didn’t thoughts.
I waved goodbye and went again residence. As quickly as I received again to my room, my physique began hurting once more, and I received again in mattress.
It was actually bizarre, trigger as quickly as I lay again down and closed my eyes, some man pushed my eyelids again open and shone a flashlight in them!
I hadn’t even seen anybody else in my room, however my dad and Mandy have been in there with the opposite man with the sunshine.
The man was a paramedic, my dad mentioned. He informed me I had an episode, no matter which means, however I informed him I simply received again!
I didn’t wanna inform him I went on the bridge once more, however I kinda needed to. He wasn’t mad, although. He began crying once more, and I had to return to the silly hospital!
I’m gonna be right here for just a few days, however they let me convey my diary so I may write stuff down. My dad wished to learn it, however I informed him it’s non-public haha.
I’m hooked as much as some bizarre, flashy machines, and I received needles caught in me once more, however I received a television, and my very own room, all to myself.
I’m wondering if dad may convey my tremendous Nintendo. There’s not an entire lotta channels on the television. I’m gonna ask him.
December twelfth, 1993
It’s snowing exterior. I actually want I may go play in it, however I’m again within the hospital once more. Silly hospital. I hate it a lot.
My grandparents got here to see me yesterday, and so they stored crying and stuff. In fact, them crying made me cry, and I didn’t even know what I used to be crying about.
My dad has been staying right here with me. He sleeps in one other room although. The Dr mentioned I can have of us in right here for too lengthy, trigger I can get infections straightforward.
I did get to convey my Nintendo with me, and a few different toys. I’ve been right here for some time this time. I suppose it’s not too unhealthy, however I don’t assume I’m gonna be residence for Christmas.
I’m wondering if Santa will convey my presents right here, or if I’ll have to attend till I get again residence. Possibly dad or Mandy can convey them to me.
It hurts me to maneuver a lot these days, however I wager I can nonetheless unwrap a gift like a champ!
My hair fell out. I used to be upset about it for some time, however I suppose it’s okay. It was exhausting to clean it after I was within the hospital final time, and it could get itchy generally.
My head will get actually chilly with out hair. That’s actually bizarre, however Mandy mentioned I look good-looking with a bald head. That’s bizarre too.
The bridge has been exterior the window the entire time I’ve been in right here. I maintain desirous to go on the market, however I don’t know if I can with all these machines hooked to me.
I don’t even know tips on how to open the window right here. I suppose I don’t have to exit into the chilly, although. I by no means actually paid consideration if it was chilly or scorching on the bridge.
I suppose I’m going to return to sleep. It’s exhausting for me to remain awake too lengthy today. Possibly it’s all the medication they maintain giving me. I’m actually drained, although.
December twenty sixth, 1993
Santa should have come to the hospital! I had so many presents after I wakened Christmas day!
I needed to get my dad to assist me open them, trigger I’m actually weak now. I received some new video games for my tremendous Nintendo although.
Me, dad, and Mandy performed rather a lot yesterday. It was quite a lot of enjoyable, however I received drained out fairly quick. I caught it out although.
I hadn’t seen dad smile a lot for some time now. Him and Mandy have been each having such an excellent time, I didn’t inform them I used to be feeling unhealthy.
I believe I’m about to go to the bridge once more. It appears to be like kinda totally different now. It’s prefer it’s brighter, in a manner.
It simply received shiny a couple of minutes in the past, however it’s kinda calling out to me, in a bizarre kinda manner.
There’s somebody on it! They’re strolling as much as the window! That’s by no means occurred earlier than!
It’s my mother!!! Mommy’s on the market! It’s actually her!! I’m going on the market now. I’m sorry I can’t write any extra, however she’s knocking on the glass! I’ll write extra tomorrow.
I’m so blissful!
That was the ultimate entry in Toby’s diary. We misplaced him the day after Christmas, again on that snowy night time of 19 ninety-three.
He’d suffered for thus lengthy, and the ache of shedding him earlier than he even had an opportunity to actually reside, nonetheless brings me tears to today.
He already had epilepsy and a fairly extreme immunodeficiency earlier than he received hit with leukemia. We knew he didn’t have an opportunity.
Even with the entire ache he suffered via, he was at all times such a cheerful child. My spouse, Mandy, had solely simply come into his life, and she or he cherished him like she was her personal.
There was one thing about him that simply introduced pleasure to anybody who met him. I can’t even describe how a lot it damage when he handed.
Mandy and I had introduced a daughter into this world in early two thousand two.
I nervous I had grown too outdated to lift one other baby, and I used to be nonetheless haunted by the lack of my first, however Gracie made me really feel younger once more
She was fortunate sufficient to have been born blissful and wholesome. It was her that introduced me again to life once more after I misplaced my son.
She was simply as great as her brother, and we made positive she received to know him, although they might by no means meet. She would even kiss his image earlier than mattress generally.
I misplaced my spouse to a stroke two years in the past. It was sudden and heartbreaking, however we had an excellent life collectively, even via the extra attempting instances. She stood by me when my son’s loss of life introduced me near the sting, and I miss her a lot.
My life has had its share of great and horrible instances. As I strategy my sixty-fourth yr on this earth, I consider I’ve little time left, myself.
I received identified with stage three lung most cancers a yr or so earlier than I misplaced my spouse. It’s been a downhill battle for the final yr, however I’ve come to peace with it.
I’ve needed to bury two wives, and the son I adored with my entire coronary heart. I believe I’m prepared for no matter lies forward.
My great daughter has been attending faculty for the final two years, however she is at the moment flying out this manner. Sadly, I don’t consider I will probably be round to see her this one final time.
For the final week, a bridge has stood exterior the window of my hospital room. I had at all times believed it was only a fantastical story created by my son’s unimaginable creativeness, however I do know what it means, now.
As I sit right here, staring out the window, I can see three figures within the distance, strolling alongside the bridge in direction of me.
I’m not afraid anymore.
I’m leaving Gracie a be aware to apologize to her for not being there to see her once more. I do know she has a beautiful life forward of her, and my solely remorse is that I will be unable to observe her turn into that unimaginable girl, I do know she will probably be.
I’ll ask her to add these remaining phrases to function a message from my beloved Toby.
Must you ever see a bridge exterior your window, don’t be afraid. Nothing ever ends. Not likely.
Credit score: William Rayne
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